Gonna post some rambling fake deep thoughts abt gw's letter, pt. 1:
To paraphrase a tweet i saw recently, personal growth comes not from the mere acquirement of knowledge and skills but from long, arduous periods of humility where your ego relents, you accept and reflect upon your responsibilities, blindspots, and shortcomings, and you figure out which of the outcomes you're unhappy with were on you and which were out of your hands. Then you forgive yourself for your faults, forgive others for theirs, and move forward. Based off his words over the last year about self-improvement and especially about wanting to be an idol the fans, doubling as proxy for himself, "won't be ashamed of", I think this is something gw innately understands and regularly cycles through, though maybe not always as productively as he'd personally like ("the reality is different from my ideals"). I do think his bold show of confidence that propelled him to his current heights now puts an additional mental burden on him to 'live up' to, what with the constraints of Zb1's contract becoming more untenable and his goals and standards for himself becoming more abstract and dependant on external measures.
As a fan it can be sad to witness it bc such processes are emotionally and spiritually taxing (btw I do think he may be a spiritual person, not necessarily religious but tapped into something higher than himself ykwim?), but in a strong and willful person they're a sign of growth, not weakness. And honestly if I truly believed he were weak at his core, I wouldn't want to support him as an idol because 1) I'd feel like I'm enabling someone's potential self-destruction, and 2) I really love and find inspiring his ambitiousness, belief in himself, and all-in mentality, it's a big part of what drew me to him in the first place, and I would hate to see those things killed by an unhealthy internalization of mean-spirited criticism, apathetic cynicism, or even coddling, imperceptive fan love (I've seen all three kill idols' drive and love for their job, fans, and themselves). In the letter he does frame fans' support as his strength, which of course is very sweet and is a typical idol sentiment, but he emphasizes that it "refined him" and made him "strong and useful", not just that it made him feel validated or loved. He's ostensibly crediting his own strength to the affirmational positive forces, but more importantly he still acknowledges that he IS strong and desires above all to actually be so (TBC).
requeefiem
2024-09-23 02:36:47Wow i just wanna say i loved reading this so much and youre an amazing writer! but this really puts all my thoughts into words his ment and letter made me so emotional and it felt like a rollercoaster like i just really went back through all his content for hours just soaking up his journey while he obviously spoke about his struggles and the effects i could tell it was from a place of overcoming that and reflection. Literally one of the first things i thought was how impressive it is that his passion hasnt been killed against all this ugh i hope it stays that way and he continues growing my baby goattttt